Covering aurah
So today i experienced a different kind of feeling. I had no decent baju kurung, slacks or jubah left because I did not washed my clothes. Bukan taknak tapi tade masa *lah sangat* The point is im only left with a jubah which is quite fit and it shows the shape of my body. So i was thinking how do i make it unnoticed by the people. So i wore a cardigan and i lowered my hijab. Tutup dada lower than i usually wear to class. For example, i usually wore like number 6 or sometimes 5 but this morning was kind of a 7. And then the best part is i look perfectly normal and i didnt seek anyone's attention.
I feel so secure :)
what's my point? I dont know but this was the first time i have this kind of feeling. The feeling
of being safe. Safe from the gaze of the men around me. And i feel calm? Lol what's my point.
If you havent tried wearing hijab i mean really wearing it and cover your breast then try it. Just try it for a day and feel it for yourself. You will feel really different. When you dont completely cover your aurah and when u completely cover your aurah. It feels so different! I guess this is why those yang
pakai tudung labuh tak mengeluh panas or rimas. Its not the physical of the hijab, it's the feeling. The feeling of being protected by Allah and loving that feeling.
who doesnt want to protect themself?
especially from the scary gaze of men outside there.
now i understand.
and the fact that the I am the one who would always lower my gaze whenever a guy looks at me, disappoints me sometimes.
It's not a bad thing but i feel like im not suppose to be the only one lowering my gaze.
iykwim.
I have always dream to wear tudung labuh when im old. haha yeah. i wanna wait till im old baru nak pakai tudung labuh. Nu uh dont judge me yet. On second thought, why wait till i become old when i can do it now. Well at least slowly.
Dah lah tak cantik lepastu nak pakai tudung labuh. sape je akan tertarik dengan aku?
Im amused by how stupid my perception was towards me wearing tudung labuh.
Its not about being cantik and let others see your beauty,
its about protecting yourself because you love yourself not bcos u want others to love you.
now it makes sense!
and if the guy u're in love with loses his attention towards you if u start to wear tudung labuh..
then that jerk aint worth it girl.
Bukan lah tudung labuh yang labuh gila nak mampus tu but at least a decent kind of labuh. That really covers the breast. Takkan lah tu pun susah nak buat nabila? hmm
If u knew me, you might feel like im a hypocrite person writing about this good and alim stuffs when the actual me is always cursing when i talk, bad attitude, always doing sins and i dont cover my aurah completely.
But honest to God, this is what I feel inside. Its just that i dont know why there comes a time where i cant stop myself from doing sinful things but that does not mean i dont have iman in my heart,soul and body. I have it. just its not strong enough yet, maybe one day. in shaa Allah.
There comes a point where even the most evil person in the world is tired of always doing bad things. It's human nature to return or find the good side in them. It's not easy to be a good person or a good 'khalifah' in this world. It takes time depends on the person's willingness. The willingness to leave all the bad things and devote themselves with all the good things they can do. Even i have so much flaws that if I were a God i would never forgive myself. But im not a God and im glad im not. Because i dont have the kindness that Allah has towards His servants. And im glad i have Allah in my life.
Everybody has a bad past.
You either learn from it or repeat it again.
but one thing u should keep in mind,
that im always doing it to myself these day
is to never forgive yourself too easy.
when u start to think of doing a bad sin, curse at yourself.
Be very mad at yourself until u start to cry.
I know im being cruel with myself but its because i love myself and i want to protect myself.
May Allah ease everything for you and me.
p/s : Finished my 1st sem for year 1 :) yeayyyy!
problem is i think i did bad is the basic
medical studies and if i dont catch up with it or fix it.
Im gonna be so dead in the systemic block later on -.-
bye. night xo